I was a new single mom by choice recovering from 4 years of fertility medication, working a very taxing job in finance to support my new beautiful daughter while paying back the $25K loan I took out for the last round of IVF, and I was taking care of my octogenarian parents who’s health had taken a dip.  I didn’t have time for myself, so I put my dream to the side and kept my nose to the grindstone.  Five years in, the new job I’d taken that year became toxic, my father collapsed near death in New Orleans in the middle of nowhere and my mother finally went blind – on top of trying to raise a kindergartner in the middle of NY on one income, and I turned 50, cool!

I was sad, overwhelmed and legitimately scared I was going to have a heart attack from the stress and pressure, and finally realized I had no choice but to “find the time” to do something for myself, because it had become life or death, for me.  After 12 years of trying to have a baby, the thought of not being around to raise her was all I could take.

In a rash moment of quiet, I trepidatiously signed up for an online course in podcasting, I figured if it was a waste of money, I’d live. But talk about the juice being worth the squeeze, I was able to use her guidance while leveraging 15 years of TV production experience from a few careers ago and that January launched She Takes The Lead.

And I found my voice again. Remembered my sense of humor.  Retrieved my confidence.  Welcomed back my curious spirit, and there I was.  Under all the stress, anger, frustration and fear, was Carole, me.  The same imperfect but well-meaning woman I have spent decades self-actualizing.  And now she was doing a podcast.   Funny, blunt, Manolo-loving, occasionally inappropriate and/or over the top family girl, who looooooves to curse, was usually late to social gatherings and generally forced her most introverted friends to come to her dinner parties a little dressed up because sparkle makes everything better.

I’ve been able to guide and inspire others to find their way through major transitions (and even last night was able to take some of what I’ve learned, and the resources I’ve gained to help one of my oldest friends start the process of trying to find trust in her own judgement after her husband cheated on her).

I say all this only to reinforce that we are as sick as our secrets, and we have more in common than we think.  These things shouldn’t feel shameful or embarrassing but exposed and embraced so we can hold each other up and find ourselves after a lifetime of taking care of others.

Talking, sharing, and unlocking pandora’s box is the only way I know how to be free and to help others do the same.