Say you got mugged the first time you took the 1 train in NYC.  Cr@p!  you need to take it to get to work every day but your scared.  The solution?  Get over it.  Move passed it. How do you do that? Pro-actively create a Restorative Experience. That’s just a fancy way of phrasing that you take it over and over again to face your fears and change your memories of it so you don’t associate it with bad things.

When I first heard the term Restorative Experience I assumed it meant you create an experience to help restore your energy or something.  Like a vacation.  But in this context it’s more about having a redo.

I took the kid to the Dominican Republic for some R&R. Last year, I took us to the Iberostar in Riviera Maya, Mexico which was in fact my first vacay in 5 years! Thanks childbirth and Covid!

Five years sounds like an exaggeration.  (And if it doesn’t stop reading and schedule some time off stat!)

Anyway, for me, 5 years was not an exaggeration at all…So to say our trip to Mexico was loaded is an understatement.

Unfortunately, the night before we left, I had a big drama at work and was unable to let it go during the vacation.  I did my best to try and make sure my kid had fun and I had a few moments where I almost decompressed a little but part of being a single mom going on vacation with only a child as your companion is you’re on duty the whole time and you have no grown-ups to talk to. No sounding board.  And as a result, the whole trip was just a long dialogue with me and me in my own little head.  And my own little head is hardly a place I want to be for any prolonged length of time, and just as I had a bit of distance to try to breath.  The 5 days was over, and we went home and I, back to work.

So now we’re in the DR at this beautiful resort called Hotel Riu Palace Punta Cana. I’m happy to say this trip was the opposite. I was calm and felt free and clear to find my breath again.  And to connect with my kid. I even got some time to record an episode of my podcast on the balcony overlooking a majestic row of for palm trees blowing in the wind.

And after all that time to ponder…I now realize something…Big reveal…I don’t do this enough. I don’t prioritize time off on behalf of my own well-being.

I know this sounds obvious but hang on.

As mothers, as caregivers and probably as women, we do a lot on behalf of someone else’s well-being.  And my “self-care” has manifested in this way as well. I take care of myself specifically so I can show up for other people.  And I don’t think that’s okay.  I mean of course it’s partially okay.  It’s a good reason.  I’m 51 years old and have a 5-year-old.  I want to be around for as long as humanly possible and in good shape.

But I think I’m not doing it for me enough.  Because if everyone went away to do their own lives, would I continue to prioritize myself.  The assumption is that it would give me more time to focus on myself.  But if I’m living mostly for others, once it came time for me to focus on me, would I be motivated the same way?

Real talk.

Probably no.

Cr@p! More work to do…

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